Day 32; February 11th, 2011: Home and remembering.

So, today I drove home.

Nothing that exciting huh? But it felt good to finally have some time to myself without feeling like I should be with someone else. I was able to cry, scream and sing at the top of my lungs. You see, I keep finding myself wishing I could go back to certain moments just so I could re-do them. I wish I could go back to last year, to my Florence New Years trip... I wish I had asked Bridg if Adam and I could have some alone time. Maybe I wouldn't miss him if I had that closure. I find myself wishing I could go back to yesterday last year... The day Derrik and I started dating... I'm not sure what I'd do different, but to just feel that safe again would be great. I wish I could go back to the first time I saw Devin after I got my license... I should have just told him what I feel. I wish I could go back to the day I saw Steven in the mall when my cousins were here. I should have asked if I could talk to him while our parent's talked. I hate wishing I could go back... 'cause its not right. But I miss feeling safe.... supported.... like no matter what happened I had arms to run to. I need to know where those arms are now. 'cause I'm not seeing them.