Day 323; November 30, 2011; Edit edit edit

Today has been a slightly productive day. I got further in updating my Itunes and playlists. Then I will add the Holiday/winter songs.
I have work at 6, and then going light grocery shopping. Hopefully I can actually sleep tonight 'cause I have a meeting with a school counselor tomorrow afternoon... and I don't want to just be dead all of Friday.
Also excited that for the month of December, though I'm taking half of it off... I think I'll have more hours at my jobs than I usually do. ♥

 

So I know this isn't the most attractive picture, but I almost forgot to take one today. 

Day 322; November 29th, 2011: I miss being in those moments, in his arms... part of his life. I got signs of what I miss, but its just not enough.

      My mind is blank as my heart is full. That really just happened today. I know it was morally wrong because obvious reasons... but I couldn't say no. I didn't want to say no. I wanted that connection with him.
     My mind should be going crazy and my heart should be shattered but its not. None of what logically should be happening, is.
     As horrible as it is, my heart still beats for him. As much as I've tried to make it stop, as much as I've tried to stay away... none of it works. I want it to, but it doesn't.
     I've always been attached to him. Since the first day I saw him, he's had my attention. At first it was curiosity, then it was envy, then jealousy, then admiration, passion, love... turned in to hated and now its longing...
     Every single one of these takes dedication.
     When I'm in his presence, just seeing him, I want to talk to him. When I talk to him, I want to hug him. When I hug him, I want to kiss him. When I kiss him, I want to be in his arms. When I'm in his arms... I want time to stop.
     When I'm with him... just him and I... like how it used to be... how it should be... I feel safe from everything. All stress leaves and I can finally breathe. I don't feel suffocated. I feel I can be me.
     I never feel I can be me. I'm never comfortable enough, so when I can finally breathe, I never want it to end.
     Sadly it always does. I always know its going to but I always wish time would just stop and the entire world would just pause. No movement except him and I.
     Sometimes it feels like the world does actually stop... but its just me losing all track of time. I'll look at the clock and see it is 10:30 at night and then it seems like just seconds go by and I'll look at the colock and its 1:55 in the morning.
     It all just happens so fast to me, I can't imagine what it would be like to always be with him... The month him and I were together seemed like two or three. Every moment just seemed to go by fast but last forever at the same time.
     I miss being in those moments, in his arms... part of his life. I got signs of what I miss, but its just not enough.

I love coming home and my dog being crazy, hyper, excited to see me (as long as he doesn't scream).. 'cause he just runs around like he used to when he was a puppy. But since he's an old dog, he gets tired of doing that quickly and then just wants to snuggle... I'd say I get the best of both worlds.This lovely thing is supposed to help my shoulder. It has medication on the pad itself that gets absorbed into the muscle and then the middle thing that looks like a pencil sharpener attached to a battery at the doc's office and sends small shocks through to my muscle.

Weird, huh?

Day 321; November 28th, 2011: Back in Eugene

Back in Eugene... and I forgot how much I missed the sounds of people possibly dying upstairs (totally kidding... and they didn't actually die). But glad I got a mini movie night with Sophie when I got back. ♥
I know I should be asleep right now since I have to be up early for a PT appointment but I can't seem to sleep. A few too many things dancing through my head. Hopefully what I found in my closet will help. ♥
{"You put your arms around me And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go.
I hope that you see right through my walls, I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling. I'll never let a love get so close. You put your arms around me and I'm home." - Christina Perri *listened to this song a few times on my drive home thanks to the fact that my Ipod decided to replay it about 4 times*}

Day 320; November 27th, 2011: Happy birthday, Han!

Today is my best friend's birthday! Its crazy to think... I still remember her and I drawing our "gorgeous" bridesmaids outfits for each other in like 4th grade. (Just saying, we still remember the idea of them and they sound hideous now, but I'd still wear mine if she really wanted me to.) Happy birthday miss Hannah!

Later:
Hair bleached, added my feathers again. ♥
Decorated mom's house for Christmas.
Went to lunch with my best friend, saw Auni, Tomy and Ella.
Yeah, today has been a good day.

Day 319; November 26th, 2011: Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. -Henry David Thoreau

As much as I kinda debated going to the ballroom, I'm very glad I did. I think I needed to dance. Scratch that, I know I did. Also very happy that my "lil sis" was there, I miss her tons.
It's also kinda great that someone finally knows the truth.
{Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
-Henry David Thoreau}

Watching the Duck game... and thinking that I'm very thankful I'm not in Eugene right about now. I'm quite content watching the game here with my mom. Also, I love when they say "touch down Oregon"... its like... "Uh, which one?".
♥
Go Ducks!!!!

Working on going partly blonde again.

Loving the Ducks game as well!

No worries, there will be pictures once the hair is done.

Day 318; November 25th, 2011; Tree lighting and ballroom

Back in the Valley. Had fun and glad I got to see the family... but still happy to be back home. ♥
Ballroom tonight, anyone wanna come with?

Hmmm Christmas tree lighting and ballroom tonight.
Yeah, I'm liking the sounds of this. Plus, I haven't worn the dress I'm wearing to the ballroom in over a year! Can't wait.

 

Back from the Ashland tree lighting. I love that so many people gather, just to watch people walk in front of us... down a road. Jeez, I love people and I love that I'm one of the people that goes to every parade I can while I'm home.
Then we waited, saw Santa, watched Ashland turn on all of the Christmas lights, sang a verse of Jingle Bells and now I'm home, waiting for it to be dance time.

Day 317; November 24th, 2011: Happy Thanksgiving

 Today, I woke up at my grandmother's. I forgot how much I missed waking up here. Its been a few years since I've been here. Its a strange feeling in Loleta, I feel comfortable, but like an outsider at the same time.

 The best part about this Thanksgiving, other than getting to see my family, I got to drive my grandpa's Cadillac.
I had been wanting to drive this car for years, and it just meant so much to me that I got to.
Only bad thing now is that I really want a Cadillac.

Happy
Thanksgiving

Day 316; November 23rd, 2011: No regrets.

So I gave this letter to the guy that I would kinda like to be with:
"I know this topic is beyond tiresome and talked about way too much... and I know me writing a note is ridiculous but I don't know how else to do this.
Its obvious that I still like you... I'm not sure if you still feel the same, as much as I hope you do. This note thing isn't me trying to talk you into anything, its honestly just me finally saying what's on my mind. So please, don't think of this as anything more than that.
I know there's a ton of reasons we aren't/haven't dated... and some of them just don't make sense...
As you often say, you're "rude, crude and tattooed" but when I think about it... you're rarely rude to me, I don't care that you're crude and you don't have that many tattoos... nor does that even factor since I like tattoos.
I haven't heard you say it but if you even think you're not good for me or that I'm too good for you... I have to argue that because I'm not too good for anyone and if you weren't good for me, why do you make me smile so much... and why do I actually miss you?
I know the fact that I live in Eugene is a huge deal but I would do my best to come home to the Valley as much as I could. And I'll be here for about two and a half weeks for Christmas/New Years.
Then there is the fear that one of us will get hurt... I know for me... I'd only get hurt if we weren't friends anymore. I would do my best to not hurt you. There's no way to know if someone would get hurt though unless we give it a chance.
That's all I really want is a chance. Even if it is for those two and a half weeks that I'm here in December or at any other time.
I'd be willing to work for this. I know it probably wont happen, and as long as we're still friends, I don't really care... as much as I'd love the chance to be with you... I know you're friendship is more important to me.
I'm not going to lie... the night you kissed me is by far one of my favorite memories. If that's all it ends up being... that's fine. I just need to know you know how I feel about the situation.
I'm not trying to force you into a relationship nor am I trying to talk you into anything. I just wanted to show you that I'd be willing to do pretty much anything for just a chance to be with you.
-Carly

P.S. I know I'm no Harley Quinn or anything but I do care. I think if you gave me the chance I might surprise you."
I gave it to him, and I have no regrets.

All packed for California. Leave as soon as my dad comes to get me. I also have my Ipod and writing.
I don't get the best cell phone reception in California, so if I don't answer your call or text right away... that be why. I'll try to stay in one place long enough to answer everything I have on my phone... but no promises.
If I don't get reception: Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!
I'm thankful for my friends and family and everyone who helps me get through my life. I'm also thankful for everything I have in life, and everything that has yet to come. I can only imagine what's next in my life... and I'm super excited.
I'll be back in the Valley on Friday, and I'll be at the ballroom that night. Hope to see everyone!

Day 315; November 22nd, 2011: Lil sis day.

 Today I got to hang out with my lil sis. She stayed the night last night which was the first sleep over we've had in so long. I miss her so much.

Anyway, today we're driving around and I'm going to be taking her senior photos. I love that she's having me do this. It means so much to me that I don't think you even understand.

I miss when I was able to always able to laugh like this. It was great to be able to do this today.

I'm so happy that we got to do this today

I think while I'm home, I'm going to go back to auburn and blonde hair.

Day 314; November 21st, 2011: All there is to it...

It feels so nice to be home, that's really all there is to it.

Day 313; November 20th, 2011: So I'm home alone.... and what do I decide to do???

9:22 AM:
Heading to the Valley this afternoon! Super excited to see everyone and get to hang out with my mom.
Then heading to Cali to see my Davy family... who I haven't seen in almost 2 years.... yeah... much too long. So SUPER SUPER excited to see everyone there. ♥
As for Valley-ness: I only have plans Tuesday so far, so if you wanna hang out tell me! I wanna see everyone!

6:33PM:
It feels good to be home... though at the same time... it feels like nothing has changed since high school.
I've decided to be gutsy this trip and say some things I've been meaning to.... It should make for an interesting trip.
Can't wait till my mom is home so I can talk to her, can't wait to see my lil sis on Tuesday, can't wait to see my Davy family for Thanksgiving and hopefully I'll see the other sister, Hannah Bryant, sometime this trip for lunch or something to celebrate the birthdays. ♥

So I'm home alone.... and what do I decide to do???

Work out... of course... *pant pant pant*

Day 312; November 19th, 2011: P.S. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Vaaaaaaaaaaaalley....

So woke up this morning and saw that Mat cleaned the kitchen and the living room. ♥ Also, I love having Jackie here... She's helped me figure a few things out. I'm so happy she came here.
P.S. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Vaaaaaaaaaaaalley.... guess who's coming home for a few days?
Yup, I'll be heading home with Jackie tomorrow. I'll be there till the 23rd ('cause I'm going to Cali to see my family for Thanksgiving) and then I'll be back in the Valley the 25th. I'll be there till either the 27th or 28th.
You know how to get in touch with me if you wanna see me.
Bridgett, we need to figure out which day to go have fun, 'cause you're first on my list!

Day 311; November 18th, 2011: Girls day of running around.

So today Jackie and I just drove around and kinda went crazy. That was literally it.
We went to Blockbuster and got Bad Teacher and Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeakweal. 

Day 310; November 17th, 2011: Photo day with Sophie and then Jackie.

Today Sophie and I drove around and did a huge photo day. We went to the Owen Rose Garden, and oh my goodness, it started to pour. So much for doing our hair and everything, 'cause that totally went out the window.
After that, we changed our clothes and went to the park next to Valley River Center. There were leaves everywhere, it was amazing. We got some great photos. Its nice with the fact that both of us having blue eyes because there were browns, reds and oranges EVERYWHERE which just made our eyes pop!
Then there were this huge flock of geese. I chased them. Yes, the girl who is afraid of geese, chased them! It was anti-climatic because they literally did nothing... just looked at me like I was crazy. Oh well, it was still fun.
Then I came home and waited for it to be close to time to go to Trivia Night at Applebee's. Even though none of the group was going to be there, Mat and I were hungry and I was going to have to pick up Jackie from Gateway Mall anyway.
So once we got Jackie, and got our food, we started to participate in the Trivia Night charades. Which we literally failed at. So we left.
Now we're doing nothing.

Day 309; November 16th, 2011: Thank ya.

Today I cleaned, and did laundry. I almost felt like strangling one of my roommates because he's a slob, rude and just beyond disrespectful. But instead of killing him, I slammed every door/cupboard/drawer I could, just like how he does.
After that, I did pretty much nothing all day till I had work. Which wasn't that eventful since we only had two kids, who of which, are self entertained. So I got to make Hannah's birthday card. :)
Then when I came home and told Mat I was home, he made a deal with me: he buys dinner if I cut his hair... so I did. He is no longer blonde and I didn't shave any random spots into his head. His hair is even and actually looks good. Thank you, thank you.
As for tomorrow: I have a photo day with Sophie, Jackie coming into town and Trivia night. I'm rather excited.

Day 308; November 15th, 2011: WALLET!!!

 Today I have my volunteer hours. That is it. So I worked on cleaning since Jackie comes on Thursday... this way all I have to do tomorrow is my laundry. Sounds like an amazing plan to me.

 Also, recent discovery:
if a guy ever wants to win my heart, he just has to quote a few certain country songs and I'll be his forever. <3

 Sorry these haven't been all that interesting. I promise I'll work on that.

Look what this happy girl found in her mail box today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥ time 654,987,613,120,684,984,135,016,841,650,694,984,650,132,064,975,978,510,620,126,415,947,958,758,628,732,785,025,723,406,541,508,947,755,672,868,796,785,245,024,007,56 and 2

Day 307; November 14th, 2011: Lazy sleep day.

11:14 a.m:
Got called into be a dance demo this morning, then went to PT. I am not moving from my bed for the rest of the day unless absolutely necessary.

4:56 p.m: 
Voulenteer tomorrow, work Wednesday, photo day with Sophie on Thursday and get to see miss Jackie aaaaaaaaaaaaaand go to Trivia night... now all I need is to get back into dancing all the time and I'll call this part of my life a success.

8:17 p.m: 
Sophie is coming over and we are making a Taco Bell dinner date that was literally just planned... Yeah, we know we're awesome.

Day 306; November 13th, 2011: Disney Day

It has already been an eventful day:
had work-for the most part I just held a sleeping baby but there were some tantrums and some injuries and I did have to tell a kid's dad that the kid was being violent and not listening... I hate doing that. Then when I got home I realized that I was locked out... so I climbed in through a window (I was in a skirt and wedges mind you). Then I went shopping for a few groceries and now I'm waiting for Sophie so we can have a pizza and kid movie day of relaxation. ♥ 
(I still feel like a creeping ninja about climbing in the window though).

11pm:
After watching Lady and The Tramp, The Aristocats, Swan Princess, Scooby Doo and Alvin and the Chipmunks with Sophie... I'd call today a successful relax on the floor type of day.
Tomorrow I have PT and then I'm coming home and sleeping all day.

Day 305; November 12th, 2011: Today I had work and Bob Marley?

Today I got up and went to work. It was a 6 hour day, but I can't complain... or I shouldn't complain.

When I came home, I found out that I was going to a dance concert with Mat. It was good, but I'm still not the biggest fan of watching Modern dance.

This one was unique though because there were some people in wheelchairs and then there was a lady missing a leg... and they were dancing. It was really inspiring.
Before the show I was able to get this lovely conversation as well:

Me: "Am I the only dancer who doesn't actually like marley?"
Mat: "Bob Marley?"
Me: "No... marley... like the floor..."
Mat: "Oh. Uh... yeah."
Me: "Figured."
Oh a day in the life of...

Day 304; November 11th, 2011: The after effects

Woke up today and the guys had already cleaned the apartment. ♥ Sweet. I love it. Called my Grandma Davy to wish her a happy birthday and had a quick conversation with her. Then we had Zach come over... we drove to the hardware store then stopped and got lunch at the place Tony works. When we got back to the apartment... this is us. We are all so tired and have major sugar withdrawals that it is going to kill us. (And yes, we are all laying on each other on the couch).

Tonight Mat and I are going to go see our friends Dog Sees God. 

After the play:

The play was great. Almost made me cry. 

 

P.S.
Yes, I totally wished at 11:11am and I will at 11:11pm

Day 303; November 10th, 2011: ITS MY BIRTDAY!!!

 Today is my birthday.
I had physical therapy and then stopped and got my first of 5 free coffees from Dutch Bros.

A year ago I was forcing Cortney to stay awake till midnight and making Chris walk down to my room because texting me "Happy Birthday" didn't work for me when you were just down the hall...
This year I finished baking cakes, had Mat to stay up with me, watched Hocus Pocus, and then exactly at 12... he got up and sang at me. Then John wished me a happy birthday as well. {P.S. Cort, now I get to say "stupid teenager"... :p}

Now just waiting for my party and reading all of the people who wished me a Happy Birthday. Here's some of my favs:
  
     "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! (If you were in New York right now.) I am so, so, so, so, so glad you're my best friend, my maid of honor, the person I can tell about bright blue face masks, the person I gave knockoff Pixy Stix a better life with, the one I can watch Supernatural and pull all-nighters with, and the one who shares all my ridiculous moments and still loves me ♥ We're growing up too fast. We've got to stop! lol. I love you!!!!!" - Hannah

    "H is for the hours of your life 
A is obviously for your age 
P is for each person who you've changed their life by being in theirs 
P is for all the patience you have with everything you do 
Y is for the years you have lived

B is for all the bashes you have yet to throw
I is for how intelligent you are
R is for how radiant you've gotten over the years
T is for the time you take out of your day to help others
H is for your huge heart
D is for each day you spend putting smiles on others faces
A is for the abundance of people who are yet to be lucky to meet you
Y is for how young you will always be at heart

all i'm trying to say is that you are special, car. don't forget it. especially today. its your day. celebrate you. 20 years is a long time to have been here but i think everyoen who knows you would agree with me in saying we're so glad we know you.
Happy 20th birthday, doll face." - Keith

Later:

So I know its like 2:33 in the morning, but I wanted to finish off the birthday blog by saying 5 coffees, birthday cake, pizza, amazing party and 114 people wishing me a happy birthday.... I can call this birthday a huge success!!! (Only thing that would make it better is... well.... a start of my birthday wish coming true... hehe). Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, and to everyone who made this day AMAZING for me. ♥. Now I have to try and calm down so I can sleep... haha... sleep.... what's that?

Day 302; November 9th, 2011: Tomorrow is my birtday!!!!

Birthday week outfit #6: teal belted dress, black fishnet-ish tights and my low heeled black boots.
{Also, don't stand on your bed in heels kids! Its dangerous. I almost fell a few times, but I wanted you guys to see my shoes. Feel loved. I almost died.)

 Had work with the kids today. It was fun.

I'm going to have Mat stay up with me till Midnight. We're going to watch Hocus Pocus.
Later:
So I put together the cakes... put the cookie dough one in the freezer and Mat and I left to go get pizza. When we came back, the top of the cake was on the floor and the plate was broken. Needless to say, I've been baking another top to the cake.
Oh well.