Day 201; July 31st, 2011: Since I have nothing else to day

So today I had work, which wasn't anything exciting. I got to see both of my little men: baby James and Rowan. They are my buddies.
I miss my Davy family a lot today, but I'm going to see them for either Christmas or Thanksgiving. This shirt though is in honor of my Grandpa Davy. The Jim Davy Run & Walk. Its exactly what it sounds like... you walk or run around my dad's hometown. I love this shirt with every fiber of my being.
I miss my Grandpa so much.

And since I have nothing else to say, I'll fill this out:
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: Sweet tea
2. Last Call: My mom <3
3. Last text message: Jesse
4. Last song you listened to: Little Lovers by Silversun Pickups
5. Last time you cried: Ummm last Wednesday

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Got back with someone you've broken up: Yeah
7. Been cheated on: Not to my knowledge.
8. Kissed someone and regretted it: No
9. Lost someone special: Ohh yeah.
10. Been depressed:Yes.
11. Been drunk and threw up: Never been drunk.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12.Teal
13. Blue
14.Green

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2011)
15. Made a new friend: Oh yeah.
16. Fallen out of love: Yeah
17. Laughed until you cried:  Of course!
18. Met someone who changed you: Every person I meet changes me.
19. Found out who your true friends were:For sure
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yup.
21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: yup.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: All of them.
23. How many kids do you want?: None right now.
24. Do you have any pets?: Yeah.
25. Do you want to change your name: Nah, my name fits me.
26. What did you do for your last birthday?: Had an amazing party with my friends in Vegas
27. What time did you wake up?:10:30-ish
28. What were you doing at midnight last night?: texting, facebooking and watching a movie
30. Last time you saw your Mother: Whenever the last time I as in town was.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Tee-hee.... if I tell you, it wont come true.
32. What are you listening to right now: The Silversun pickups
33. Have you ever talked to a person with a weird name?:Oh dear, yeah.
34. Who is getting on your nerves now?:No one
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook and blogger
36. What's your real name: Carly
37. Nicknames: Car is the most popular one
38. Relationship Status: Single
39. Zodiac sign: Scorpio
40. Male or female?: I am female
41. Primary School?: mainly Jewett. But I also went to Mae Richardson, Bear Creek and Bonnyview
42. Secondary School?:Scenic
43. High school/college?: Crater Renaissance Academy.
44. Hair color:  Brownish
45. Long or short: Medium
46. Height: 5'9" ish
47. Shoe size?: 8ish
48: What do you REALLY REALLY like about yourself?:Multiple things lol
49. Piercings: ears
50: Tattoos: one day
51. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRST:
52. First surgery: technically it was when I got my freckle on my arm cut off, but other than that: nada
53. First piercing: Ears
54. First best friend: First ever: Matthew Robinson. First in school: Mat Bostrom. First one I called my best friend: Hannah Bryant.
55. First sport you joined: Dance
56. First vacation:Probably going to my grandparent's house in Cali
57. First pair of trousers:Trousers? Well... I did wear pants when I was a baby....

RIGHT NOW:
58. Eating:Panda Express
59. Drinking:Ice Tea
60. I'm about to:couch
61. Listening to: same as last time you asked
62. Waiting for: I have no idea
63. I'm feeling: content and bored

YOUR FUTURE:
64. Want kids?: Yes.
65. Get married?: Yes.
66. Career: I will have one

YOUR DREAM GUY/GIRL:
67. Lips or eyes: eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Both.
69. Shorter or taller: Taller.
70. Older or Younger: Older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Both.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms:Eh... really... I don't care
73. Sensitive or loud: Both.
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship. Of course!

HAVE YOU:
75. Kissed a stranger: Nope.
76. Drank beer: Nope
77. Lost glasses/contacts:Yup.
78. Sex on first date: No!
79. Broken someone's heart: Hopefully not.
80. Been arrested:Nope.
81. Turned someone down: Yes.
82. Cried when someone died: Yes.
83. Fallen for a friend: Yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
84. Yourself: for sure
85. Love at first sight:Yes...
87. Santa Claus: Lol. I believe in St. Christopher.
88. Kiss on the first date: Possibly.
89. Herp Derp: huh?
90. Goob:lol.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
91. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: Never!
92. Did you sing today?: Of course!
93. Did something illegal?:We all have at one point or another.
94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?:Ummm 1990.
95. The moment you would choose to relive?:Tee-hee. There's a few moments.
96. Are you afraid of falling in love?:Not really.
97. When was the last time you lied?: Hmm, dunno.
98. Are you usually late, early or right on time?: I tend to be early.
99. Would you give your life to save someone else?: when it comes right down to it, yes.

Day 200; July 30th, 2011: Coffee, work, giggle fits and realizations.

 So today I got up and wasn't in a good mood... notice the sarcastic smile pictured here. You see this guy that likes me, Aaron, was texting me all night last night until about 3 in the morning. Yeah, I finally just shut my phone off. Woke up and turned it back on: 27 text messages from him saying how he misses me and wants to see me. Using all the lovely names of "baby", "hunny" and "sweetie"... 'cause we all know how much I love those coming from guys I'm not dating after a guy forgot my name.

Anyway, I was determined to still have a good day even though this guy had already made me so mad... so I went and got Dutch Bros. before I went to work for Julie Ann.
I missed my Dutch men. They always know how to put a smile on my face and make things better.
Anyway, then I went to work. It was the day to take Julie Ann to Emerald Gallery. So yeah, I got to draw this lovely creation during work while she just wrote. I also looked at all the amazing painting that were there. I must say, I have a favorite place in Eugene now and I get paid to go there on Saturdays every once in awhile.
Also, Julie Ann and I finally had some time to get to know each other and she made my heart so much lighter by saying I was an inspiration to her. I almost started crying and wanted to say that if one of us was inspiring the other that she has it backwards.

Then I got home and saw this. Now people who know me know my past with Devin. The first guy I fell in love with... the first guy I ever told that I love him and the first guy who ever broke my heart. So, I'm thinking that my friends are probably like "oh no, Carly's probably heart broken" because most know that Devin and I were talking a lot lately and that I was missing him like crazy but you know what... since the last time I saw him...  I've finally gotten over him. I realized that he's just a liar and a guy who breaks promises and just isn't worth my time. Heck, I even "liked" this relationship change with a huge smile on my face. He'll always hold a small place in my heart (I mean, he was my friend before we dated), but I don't need to be with jerks anymore. Though I still don't feel like I deserve better, I'm starting to realize that if I just trust that there is an ultimate plan set out for me... that things will fall where they should. Yes, I do have hopes and wishes... and we all know that, but something different about this one: I've already told the guy I like him.

Now since I've been home... I felt something crawling on my toe... and if you've been reading my blogs you would know that ladybugs are everywhere around me lately... so you guessed it: I looked down on my toe and there was a ladybug. I got it onto my hand, it crawled around a little bit before it flew off of my hand. You know... after the giggle fit about Devin... I couldn't ask for a better day. Or at least... very few things could make it better.

Day 199; July 29th, 2011: Tee-hee

      Sooo, the ladybugs are still around... once at work today I was chilling in the nursery and one landed on the piece of paper I was writing on. Not that I am complaining: at all.
     Other than that the only fun thing that happened today at work was that I got little Rowan to ride his horse and yell "yee-haw". Can you say cutest thing ever?! I don't purposely get him on the rocking horse just to hear him say that.... tee-hee.

As for the paper that I was writing on:
"     Somethings just never change I guess. No matter what, when I'm swinging I'm going to want the guy I like to appear behind me, stop my swinging and kiss me then push me back into swinging. There's always going to be firework shows where I wish a guys arms were wrapped around me and there's always going to be those nightmare nights where all I want is to cuddle so I can get back to sleep. Its just never going to change... not till fate brings us together and the universe decides its time for us to never be apart."

Day 198; July 28th, 2011: Pretty pretty and Triva Night

      So today, I was not moving from my bed until trivia night. Goal accomplished.
     I knew that once I actually started getting ready for the day, I wanted to look gorgeous, so i spent most of the day looking up tricks to do with eye makeup. I tried a few of the tricks today once I started getting ready, and I think I found one that I actually really like and will probably start to use on a fairly regular basis. Yay.
     And just to throw this out there, today is the third day of ladybugs being on my car, so today's blog isn't exactly about me talking, its more why each time I see a lady bug: I freak out in excitement. I keep praying for signs and they keep coming.
     Three days ago there was one ladybug on my windshield the entire time I was driving, yesterday there was one ladybug on my trunk and now today there were two ladybugs on my windshield... then there was a sign at Trivia night too (that even Mat caught on to, which was humorous to me... and he made me blush about it) and I'm sure my friends are tired of getting pictures of ladybugs all the time, but they can deal. But anyway, here's why I keep freaking out every time I see that a ladybug has taken a liking to me:

 "     Many cultures view ladybugs as lucky, and a great deal of superstition surrounds these small and stylishly outfitted insects. As often happens with superstition, it is actually a bit difficult to determine why ladybugs came to be viewed as lucky. One interesting thing about ladybug superstitions is that these superstitions are so universal: usually, superstitions about living things are quite varied, with different cultures attaching different meanings to everything ranging from black cats to mirrors.
     The most likely explanation for the general view that ladybugs are lucky is their dietary habits. Ladybugs eat harmful crop pests, so the appearance of ladybugs would have been welcomed by farmers and gardeners. In agricultural societies, it would have made sense to venerate a beneficial insect, encouraging people to leave ladybugs alone so that they could consume pests such as aphids. The appearance of a ladybug would also have been viewed as a blessing, which explains the positive association with ladybugs in many cultures.

     One of the most common superstitions about ladybugs is the idea that killing a ladybug will bring down bad luck. This would support the idea that ladybug superstitions evolved as a form of protection for the ladybug population, ensuring that the insects could travel unmolested. Many cultures also link the sight of a ladybug with future luck in love, good weather, a financial windfall, or the granting of wishes.
     Having a ladybug land on you is supposedly to be particularly lucky in some cultures, and some people believe that when a ladybug lands on an object, the object will be replaced by a new and improved version.

     In some Christian societies, especially in Europe, the ladybug is linked with the Virgin Mary, also known as Our Lady to devout Catholics. According to legend, the spots on the ladybug's back symbolize the Seven Sorrows of Mary, and ladybugs were sent by the Virgin to protect crops. This explains the origins of the name 'ladybug'." (http://www.wisegeek.com/why-are-ladybugs-lucky.htm)

 So in total:

• If you kill a ladybug, you'll have bad luck.
• If a ladybug lands on you and you'd don't shoo her/him away and allow her to fly away on her own, you'll have good luck.
• If you see a ladybug, you'll have good luck.
• If a ladybug lands on you, something wonderful is about to happen to you.
• If a ladybug lands on something like a car, furniture, appliance, house or some other object, then you will soon receive a new and better model of that object.
• If a ladybug landed on you, whatever ailment you had would fly away with the Ladybug.
• If the ladybug is held in your hand while making a wish, the direction that the ladybug flies away shows where your luck will come from.
• In Belgium, people believed that if a ladybug crawled across a young girl's hand, she would be married within a year.
• During the Pioneer days, if a family found a ladybug in their log cabin during the winter, it was considered a "good omen".

• Many believe that the arrival of ladybugs will bring fair weather.
• Folklore suggests if you catch a ladybug in your home, count the number of spots and that's how many dollars you'll soon
• If a man and a woman spot a ladybug at the same time, there will be a romance between them.

Ladybugs symbolize:

• Protection
• Happiness
• Luck
• Love
• Friendship
• Good deeds done

And that, readers, is why I keep getting really excited every time I see a ladybug.

Day 197; July 27th, 2011: Puh-puh-puh poker face puh-puh poker face

So I did nothing today. Well... not nothing. I cleaned and did my make up and got dressed... but other than that: nothing.
Tonight was poker night, and I thought I was just going to get to play the cute hostess but ends up that I was playing too.
All together it was: Mat, Will (his co-worker), Will's roommate (who I rudely forgot what his name is, oops), Jesse, Taylor and I. Taylor didn't play, but it was still fun. And I wasn't the first to fun out of chips! (:p) I'm still not good at poker though. I did have the second best hand in one round. I felt cool.
After Jesse left though, Mat and I had one of our talks about why I'm so shy and nervous. He says its because I let myself, but I know that its really because all the other guys I have been with have tended to be jerks. For once, the guy is nice and oddly... I don't know what to think about it because I don't know how to read it. I'm so used to: if a guys nice, they're wanting something. But not this time. Its all new to me, and I don't think Mat really gets that. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.
All I know for sure, is I'm going to keep being myself.

Day 196; July 26th, 2011: But then

So though I don't look it in this picture... I've actually had a very good day. This picture was before the fact but still.
Today, I was planning on not moving from my bed... at all, not talking to anyone and for sure as heck not answering my phone.
But then Jesse text me.
He came over and we literally hung out all day. Didn't do much, but talked a lot.
I couldn't have asked for a better day after having such a cruddy day yesterday.

:)

Day 195; July 25th, 2011: Introducing the real Carly

      So today I woke up and decided that it was going to be a day of staying in bed and filling out job applications since apparently I wont be going to school this year either (thanks to the lovely person I have to call my father).
     This idea of a "lounge" work day was quickly defeated when I got a voice mail on my phone. I listened to the voice mail and promptly called back.
It was to schedule an interview for a job I had just sent my application into. Then I ended up scheduling my interview for three today.

      The interview went good, but I don't think I'll be getting the job due to the fact that I'm so young and don't plan on staying in Oregon past July of 2012. 
     After that I called my dad so I could see if I could get something from the insurance saying that I am covered to drive my car... well, him and I got in a fight and I've decided that I'm done talking to him.
There's no point in me trying to continue a relationship with my father when there's no respect on either end.





      Now readers, I've been getting message after message from you guys saying that you feel creepy reading about my day to day life when you still know nothing about me. And since today I got in a fight with my dad, it seems like a perfect day to enlighten all of you as to how my life has been and is. Just warning: I'm not writing this for sympathy or anything, my life happened how it happened and I don't regret any of it. Also, this is my truth, some of the facts might not be exact but they are how I remember them and how the memories effected me. So here it goes, and if you don't want to know... then stop reading now.

      So we'll go with the basic "about me" stuff first: Well, I'm me, there's no changing that. Just get to know me before you judge me. I'll shock you.
      I live my life full of color, though I like to wear black a lot. I love and live by quotes. I know a quote for every situation. {Go ahead and test that.} 
     Someday I want to be a choreographer, hence my major. I'm one of those girls that you will never understand. I possibly know too much about myself, and nothing about myself at the same time. My music taste is diverse to say the least. I can go from listening to opera to country to rock to metal in a day. Only music I don't like is: music that cusses every other word to where the song has no content and polka.
     I'm far from shy... but people who don't know me think I am. My favorite place in the world is on a stage or in the kitchen. I'm a "glass half full" type of person. The arts are my life, my friends and some of my family are what get me through and if I didn't have dance, my life would be incomplete. I love writing, singing, laughing, dancing, four-wheeling, off roading in big (lifted) trucks, football, basketball, shopping, boating, the list goes on forever. I'm one of those girls who is funny without meaning to be funny. I'm quick witted, sarcastic, humorous, humble, and I tend to be hyper.
     I'm Christian. My opinion is exactly that; so please respect it. I don't know why I'm writing all of this since I know no one is going to really take the time to read all of it... but I can hope that someone does. It bothers me when people have issues with me, and don't tell me to my face. I'd rather have confrontation and truth from the source rather than finding out from someone else. My life has lasted 18 roller coaster years, working on its 19th, and I know there's more to live. With all this; I still know there's more in the world for me and that I'm meant for something amazing... I just have to figure out what.



      Cheery, ain't it? Well now here's the truth:
       I'm 19 and feel like I raised myself. My mom was and is always there for me but she never really felt like my mom, she just kinda felt like the person who watches after me. My dad was there for the first 9 years of my life and I idolized him. We were best friends and the weekends I got to be with him were my favorite. My parents separated when I was about 1 or so. So, yeah, I don't remember them being together.
     My mom re-married and the guy didn't turn out to be as great as he made himself out to be so we left. She found a guy in California my third grade year so we moved there and he turned out to be worse so we moved back to Oregon in 1999. I went to four different elementary schools (not including when I went to Son Shine and YMCA). Moving became a negative in my life and is still very hard for me to do.
     While all that was going on with my mom, my dad was also moving my life around from Loleta, California to Portland and then to multiple houses through out Medford. I was really young, so I kinda didn't really have a say in what was going on but I know my mom knows it all still took a lot out of me and changed the person I was.
     Middle school was fine with my mom, she started working again and that was a big adjustment for everyone. Also, my sister moved back in with us for a bit. Middle school is also when the stuff between my dad, who was my best friend, and I started to go so far south that there would be no fixing it. He started getting these little girly-friends who were just the worst people for him to ever be with. They completely destroyed my dad's and my relationship.
     The first one was emotionally abusive and had called the cops on me for nothing. She later had her son and his friend show up with guns and kicked my dad out. Then there was a new girl who came into my dad's life rather quickly, even after I asked him to please take it slow. Nope, this one was an alcoholic and physically abusive. Great huh? Even better: they were super sweet to my dad, they were just mean to me. So when I would tell my dad everything that happened, guess who he believed? NOT ME! Yay. So that was that for my dad's and my relationship. He lost all my respect and all my trust. He wasn't a supporter in life, he was just a supporter financially.
     For how I got on with life with all this going on... well, though people never guess it... I was suicidal for a bit. I would either attempt to overdose on meds or I'd cut my inner thighs. I made sure none of it was visible because I didn't want people to know. You see, readers, I was always good at wearing masks. I did it for my friends so that they don't hesitate to come to me with their issues. As you can tell, none of my suicide attempts were successful and I have friends to thank for that. I'm not sure if my mom even knows about this stage in my life because I knew it would destroy her.
     Anyway, starting in 6th grade I kept getting sick. I wouldn't have a temperature but I'd just be sick to my stomach and doctors could never figure out why. I had been put on multiple medications and none of them did anything other than make my stomach feel like it was jumping through hoops and doing back flips. This lasted until about my Freshmen year in high school when finally my doctor sent me to a therapist. I was and still am diagnosed with a rare emotions disorder called Hyper Sensitivity.
     See, most people's emotions are on a scale from 1 to 10... mine are from 10 to 100. I take things a lot harder than most people would. This was discovered because I kept saying to the therapist that my mom would yell at me when we fought, and my mom would have to think about it and she never remembered yelling. Turns out, because I take things to the extreme that I would hear yelling because of her tone. With this disorder, I was making myself physically sick. Then I would think about all the class work I was missing, which would in turn, just make me even more sick. It was a vicious cycle that I had to learn to control since there is no medication for this. I was and still am so thankful that my mom went with me to the therapist and was there with me to work through all of it. I can't say the same for my father. I think he went once, and I refused to be there with him. Either way, to this day he still denies that I have a disorder, but when we're fighting... he likes to use it against me so that I stop fighting for my side. By my Sophomore year I was able to say that I was in control of my disorder and was proud to say that I was.
       So other than that readers, I don't know what to tell ya. I still have thoughts of suicide and cutting when things get really bad, but I haven't done either since my Sophomore year in high school. I started to release a lot into my dancing and my writing. I created a huge support group, and I'm thankful for every single person who is it that group. I stopped wearing masks because I figured out that the people who matter in my life deserve to know the real me and deserve to know what's really going on in my life. I think moving out on my own was the best thing that has ever happened in my life because I didn't grow up or mature really, but I just connected a lot of things and really figured out who I am. I thank living in Vegas and my friends in Vegas for a ton of that.
     I guess now I can say why this ended up being the day that all this came out:
       I like to keep my family issues to myself because I don't want to be that girl who everyone thinks has "daddy issues" so that's why I like to have a boyfriend. That's not it at all. I like to have a boyfriend for support, yes, but I also like to have one because I like to have someone to care about, spoil a little and give my attention to. I like to have someone to have fun with, whether its going out or staying in. So though I have issues with my father, and its a touchy subject in my life... I wouldn't go as far to say that I try to fill that void in my heart due to my "daddy issues". My dad is still in my heart, that will never change.
       How all this came up today though was because of the fight I had with my dad. We were fighting and he said that he deserves the respect from me and it took everything in me to say that he hasn't done anything to deserve my respect for him as anything more than a financial provider and that I deserve respect to. I didn't say any of that because with my dad... he wouldn't have heard it how it was meant to be anyway. But the real thing that just pushed me over the edge today, and what made me decide that I'm done with my father was because he decided to end the conversation by saying "I love you, and I just wish you loved me". That was the farthest degree of stepping over the line for me. Especially since he was so south of the being on my good side... this comment just made everything else he did beyond un-forgiveable.
      So readers, that's who I am. I am a happy person, I'm self confident and have great self esteem. I don't regret anything that has happened to me since it has made me who I am. I stand tall, walk tall and dance taller. I love my family and have the up most respect for my mother. I have some resentment towards my sister, but I still love and respect her all the same. I love my dad, but things between him and I will never be any better than what they are today since I will never be able to bring myself to forgive him. I love my friends and would take a bullet for all of them. I don't hate many people, and those that I do... I still respect. I'm a very accepting person and try my hardest to not discriminate.

I'm going to stop writing this novel now.

P.S. I'm a Scorpio, my favorite color is teal and I love Italian food. ;)

Day 194; July 24th, 2011: This is going to be a little jumpy

So, just as a pre-warning: this post will possibly jump around a lot because I have a lot of things I'd like to say. I'll try to keep it as organized as I possibly can, but I wont promise anything.

• So I figured out today that though I felt like I hit rock bottom, the moment I was able to finally stand back up... I was up just as far as I was. I guess its true that you have to fall to see how far you had climbed in the first place. I don't really know how this came about today since all I did was go to work this morning and then come home and fall asleep after watching Happy Feet with Mat. 

• Work was fun. It was just Sierra and I. We only had two kids too. Anna and Rowan. It was adorable because Rowan was sitting on the rocking horse that's in the nursery, and he just looked at me. So I asked "Hey Ro, what noise does a horse make?". He rocked for a little bit, looked at me and replied: "yee-haw". So that was cute thing number one. The second one was that Rowan and Anna were eating snacks and Anna finished first. Well since she was able to go play Rowan had to see what she was doing. I told him he needs to stay at the table while he's still eating, so he walked back to the table and sat down. Once Anna started playing with a toy that made noise though, Rowan was right back at her side. This time, though, she's the one that pointed at the table and said "you have to stay sitting till everything is gone". Oh my goodness, it was so adorable.

• I also figured out that I don't like not being able to read a person. I am usually really good at it... so then I know what to say and how to react to what is said but with one person in particular, I can't. Its scary as heck because I can't tell how I'm supposed to think or feel. I'm trying to not think about it too much and just let pieces fall where they may, but you know, its human instinct to want to force the pieces to lay where you, as a person, wants them to lay. 

• I think it would be awesome for one of my friends on facebook to be a reader of one of my blogs and find something I say to be inspirational/ quote worthy and quote it on facebook. I know that sounds odd and like I think I'm so cool that people should just start quoting me, but that's not it at all. I just write and hope that people actually read it and like it or not. This is coming because I got a reader's comment the other day and he actually appreciated my post. It was so cool. Then I was looking on facebook and seeing how many people quote stuff they hear or read and I was just thinking that it would be beyond cool for someone to quote a piece of my writing. 

• Also, I updated my other two blogs today. So now everything in my writing is caught up. If you'd like to read these other two, just go to either:

http://outfortheworld.blogspot.com/

or

http://collegethroughgreyblueeyes.blogspot.com/

Day 193; July 23rd, 2011: Back to Eugene

Today I drove back to Eugene.
Once I got in, Mat and I were gabbing about everything the other missed for the week.
Then him, Taylor and I went to watch Captain America, which was a way better movie than I expected. Its even funny!
So it wasn't a huge eventful day, but it was good none the less.

Before I left the Valley I stopped by an ex's house and returned all his stuff. It felt good to finally close that chapter in my life. I'm ready to move on... and it makes me happy.

Day 192; July 22nd, 2011: Hannah and Zack

So today I decided to stay in the Valley though I was supposed to be heading back to Eugene. Called my boss and found out that I don't have work Saturday so decided to stay an extra day. 

I got to hang out with Hannah today and I loved it. We played James Bond on the PS2 for a bit then got hungry. We went to Subway. I saw a guy in a grey tanktop and a hat and figured it was Zack so then we stole him. 

The three of us went back to my house and made some silly videos then lit the Climbing Panda fireworks. They were all normal till the last one, which happened to explode. It was hilarious. After we got bored at my house, the three of us went to Family Fun Center. We played mini golf (which I won even with being 10 over par), then we went inside and played video games. Once we got hungry, we went and got pizza, of course. On the way back to my house we danced like crazy to the Hamster Dance song. It was great. I would re-play this day over and over if I could.

Day 191; July 21st, 2011: The Vet and girl time

 So today I had to take my dog to the vet to get his shots done. Luckily my mom was able to go with me, because I saw that needle and figured its going into my dog and almost started to cry. I guess I will be one of those moms who cries as much as the kid when they get their shots. Good to know.

Then after Jackie got off work I went and goofed off with her at Bear Creek park. It was great to get out and hang out with her, I miss her tons!




















After we got tired of being eaten by bugs we went back to my house and had some girly talk time. It was great. Helped me a ton.

Day 190; July 20th, 2011: Fair, Baby Goats and Clay Walker

 So today my mom and I are going to the Jackson County Fair. I'm super excited because I didn't think I was going to be able to go this year.
I'm even more excited that I get to go with just my mom and I. I sometimes miss it just being her and I, but I understand that I'm grown up and she needs to move on with her life now that she can.
Guess it's just hard because I'm not used to it... but ANYWAY... the fair:

I was able to get some lovely Henna thanks to my mom. Its kinda the idea of my tattoo that I want (just not exact). I wanted to see if I'd really like having something on my shoulder that I couldn't get rid of. I still love the idea and still can't wait to get my tattoo. I love the Henna version though, the lady did an amazing job.

 Then when my mom and I were heading to the concert I noticed this hay castle... naturally out of curiosity I had to go in. Inside there was a sandbox full of dried corn (that I so would have played in if there weren't kids in it), and then there were baby pigmi goats! They were so little and soo cute! I got to pet the one pictured here. I wanted to steal him, and keep him that size.

 Then it was time for the concert. Ladies and gentlemen: Clay Walker. <3
My mom and I stayed in our seats for the most part but for the 3 song encore, we were right down front. And not to sound like a total fan girl but, on the last slow song I swear Clay Walker looked right at me and winked. *sigh* His lead guitarist is amazing too.
Well... I know what I want for Christmas... these two men.

So.... yeah, its been a good day. 

Day 189; July 19th, 2011: Writing, drawing and figuring stuff out.

 So today I am a little on the hyper side since all I've had thus far is coffee with Bailey's Irish Cream coffee creamer in it. I'm going a little nuts and am very fidget-y so I decided to draw. I drew a rose and a butterfly... then I drew just some random things. But then I randomly decided I wanted to write: hence why I'm here. So I've discovered that the reason my self esteem has been so low lately is because I haven't had a reason to feel pretty. The other day I finally told the guy that I like that I like him (wow, that's confusing) and I dunno... I feel a little more confident and today I actually like my make up and hair. So that's an improvement.

Though this fact doesn't make me any less hyper. Right now I'm just figuring some stuff out and if you want to read it you're going to have to go to: http://outfortheworld.blogspot.com/2011/07/reflection.html
'cause I don't feel like I should post the same thing twice since if I do have readers, I don't think they would wanna read the same thing twice

As for the plans of the day: I'm going to dinner with my mom so I can finish talking to her about college plans since my dad - of course- wont hear me out. I didn't really expect him to, but you know, I still gotta have home in the guy since at one point... we were best friends.
Then after dinner I'm going to go hang out with a childhood friend who drew an amazing picture for me. I can't wait to see it.
I'm hoping this is the start of the uphill climb... with realizing that though I want the support of someone, I know I can do it alone... as much as I don't want to.
Hope everyone else out there had a good/reflective day.

Day 188; July 18th, 2011: Love

Got to hang out with my Aunt Tammy, my gorgeous cousin Korin and got to see my cousin Kelsey and her baby Ryken. Its crazy that I have a second cousin on my Davy side now. And he's three months. He's the cutest little thing ever and they were making fun of him saying that if you pushed his ears forward a little he looks like a Davy. Geez, I love my family! ♥
Also got to see my dad and sing with the church group that's watched me grow up.
All in all: its been a pretty good day.

I also got to tell my mom about how I feel like I literally have no support anymore... she said that I should try calling up Dr. O' Connel, but I'm not sure that'll help. Who knows.

Day 187; July 17th, 2011: Coming home.

 So I was at work an hour early today just to make sure I was there on time. I went and got gas in my car and stopped and got a Dutch Bros. Coffee.
I went to work, there were three of us workers and only one kid, how silly was that.
Now, I'm just finishing packing and then I head home to the valley.
I'm sure I'll see Jackie tonight, just like I see her every night that I'm first in the valley.
<3 that girl.