Day 206; August 5th, 2011: but sadly... I know all too well.

 Sometimes I miss having the random singing/jam sessions with my dad. I used to just take songs to my dad and ask him to play them on the guitar.
Yeah, I used to get along with my dad. He used to come to every concert, show, performance I was in... yeah, he'd be late... but he'd always bring me a bouquet of a dozen red roses. I used to pack the day before to spend the weekend up at his house.

When I was really little, he'd sing me to sleep every night after reading a bible story to me. We'd play my own version of Blue's Clues for him to figure out what I wanted for lunch. We'd make our own poppers with paper bags to pop for New Years. He'd kiss my injuries and let me sleep in his bed during storms or if I had a nightmare. I used to be a total Daddy's girl... and I guess a little part of me still wants to be. But its hard when it feels like he keeps stabbing me in the heart. I do miss what him and I had, and I hate that I think so low of him but some of the things he's done are just unforgivable.
I've grown up with the dad role being filled in my life. If not by my dad then by some other great men who I have been blessed to have in my life. I have Tom, Herman, and Glen. I can thank each of them for being there for me when I needed them the most. I know none of them can really replace my father of fully fill in his spot. But when I needed them, they were there.
I miss knowing that I always had arms to run to when the world got to hard to deal with, I miss knowing that I could cry and not get judged or yelled at... I miss how my dad was when I was younger... but only because he was my best friend. He was my support and the person who knew everything about me. He was my rock, my partner in crime, my hero, my weakness, my shoulder to cry on, my best friend... but most of all, he was my dad.
I wish I could say that I don't know what happened between him and I to make it all change, but sadly... I know all too well.